If you're a longtime reader of the blog, you may remember a post I wrote almost two years ago about brownies that contain enough sedatives to knock a grown man out. Now the popular trend of stuffing unnecessary stuff into brownies continues with A Snack in the Face's "Hyper-Caffeinated Brownies"!
Because, you know, heart attacks are always in style.
Seriously though, people are stuffing copious amounts of caffeine just about anywhere they can, including places where they probably shouldn't. Think caffeinated jerky, caffeinated popcorn with 2000 milligrams of the big C8H10N4O2 (just a tiny little bit more than the 400 or so milligrams in your Starbucks venti), and caffeinated bras and underwear, apparently designed to help you lose weight. I bet they're just saying that so they don't have to get get "lickable caffeine lingerie" approved by the FDA.
And now, you can get caffeinated beer! How does that even work? Think of all the conflicted drunks. But not in California, no sir. It's illegal over there, which is saying a lot.
But hey, if that's your cup of beer/jerky/brownies/bra, enjoy it by all means. Just remember that your daily allowance is around 500 to 600 milligrams. Which, in other words, means you can only have one Hyper-Caffeinated Brownie (400 milligrams) and about two popcorn kernels (too many milligrams, man). At least the Hyper-Caffeinated Brownie doesn't appear to look quite as poopy in appearance as the last brownie I talked about two years ago. It still looks poopy, though. Which leads me to ask the question: why do "enhanced" brownies all look like excrement punched into squares? Why don't they look like real, chocolaty brownies? Because, son, caffeine upsets your stomach. And what comes around, goes around. Which is to say they're probably made of poop. See how I brought that around full circle?
Yeah, I think I'll just stick to replacing the water in my home's tank with liquid cocaine, thank you very much.
Feo.
