My English teacher seems to have a view on innovative artwork quite different from my own. What other explanation is there to explain his reaction to the all-encompassing beauty of my latest work?
So the other day we were preparing for our PATs in class, which are, in essence, tests to see how low the IQ of my province is that year. One of the things we're tested on is business letter writing. The old exam papers we were using to prepare for that aspect gave this topic: your name is Kim Rogers, and you must write a letter to this and that person at your local newspaper about how you lost your pet, and subsequently found it. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! Apparently, your pet was found by the local animal shelter! So now you have some sort of unhealthy obsession with preaching the word of 'animal shelter' to the masses. Oh, and the shelter also offered (and there was strange emphasis on this) spaying and neutering services.
I wrote the letter, and after class, read it to some people in my class. It was met with support. A musical adaptation was discussed. The next day, it turned out we had to hand in the letter. Uh-oh. With a beaming smile on my face, I handed in the paper as my classmates laughed knowingly.
Fifteen minutes before the end of class, my teacher stands up, walks to my desk, and throws the paper on my desk.
"Next time, write something."
A silence hung in the room.
"What's wrong with it?"
"You could never actually send that. What was that?"
"Weren't we supposed to concentrate on business letter form and not on content?'
"But you didn't learn anything! It's some sort of bad joke!"
I seriously don't know what I was supposed to learn. I learned how to address a letter - what else do I have to prove?
I paused for a moment, "should I rewrite it?"
"If you want any participation marks, then yes."
And with a sigh, I rewrote the whole thing. In seven minutes. I walked to his desk and gave it to him.
After a minute or so, he came back to my desk and hands me the paper.
"Why couldn't you just do exactly that...the first time?
"I chose not to."
This is what he didn't like:
PO Box 701
Mikmat AB T75 4D6
Happy Day, 1960
Lesley Thompson, Editor
The Wentworth News
8974 Elm Avenue
Larkville AB T8M 4Q4
Dear Professor Thompson:
Several days ago, my donkey escaped my care. I discovered that it had been spayed, neutered, and almost adopted at my local animal shelter. Luckily, the person adopting Grigorovski, my donkey, realized just in time that it wasn't, in fact, a South African wiener dog. Thus, I have been happily reunited with with a now spayed, neutered, and slightly effeminate Grigorovski.
Once Grigorovski had been returned to his attic at home, I went to learn more about the animal shelter. It turns out that the Holy Mother of Keanu Reeves Animal Shelter is a completely volunteer-run organisation that provides emergency animal care, lost pet services, and an adoption program. I would be a volunteer too, but my extreme killer bee-keeping schedule keeps me from doing so. That is why I write to you, Professor Lesley Thompson: the Holy Mother of Keanu Reeves Animal Shelter is in desperate need of volunteers. I believe that if you publish even a small article on the subject, a team of willing spayers and medical amateurs will show up standing on the doorstep of the shelter. That would seriously help the likes of Grigorovski and me.
Peace,
Kimshafandinsterisko (Kim) Rogers.
The moral of the story is that if you're going to spend 15 minutes doing what you like to do, be able to do what everyone else wants you to do in 7 minutes. I got full marks.
I still think the one above is far superior.
Peace,
Feo.
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