Friday, March 30, 2012

Why Redheads Are Better Than You

 
  Contrary to popular belief, setting your hair on fire will not make you a redhead. It will make your hair grey and odorous. Trust me, I've had personal experience with that sort of thing. Not that I've tried becoming a redhead before or anything. Completely unrelated circumstances. Completely.
  Right.
  Apart from them being really hot, there are some really cool 'abilities' that redheads possess. For example, there's something totally supernatural about the way they feel pain. And by supernatural I mean genetic mutations. And witchcraft.
  Firstly, they're more sensitive to thermal pain than others. That's because they have lowered Vitamin K levels. In other words, you should keep redheads away from tea-kettles. But wait, they're less sensitive to other sorts of pain, including noxious (potentially tissue-damaging) stimuli, like electrically induced pain. This red hair colour-pain tolerance correlation is attributed to hormone receptors for red hair and pain tolerance having some sort of 'crossing'. Does that sound kind of vague? It's because I don't get it all. You can look it up if you want. Good luck if you're not a geneticist. What I'm trying to say is that redheads can withstand more pain than us. They are invincible.
  That's not all. They require higher doses of anesthetic for its use to be effective (except for the painkiller pentazocine, and opiates like morphine, which redheads actually require less of than the rest of us). You can't knock them out (as easily).
  In conclusion, redheads have superpowers. That's all there is to say.
  All I know is that when the impending redhead-apocalypse comes, I'll be safely basking in their only weakness. At the beach.
 
Feo.

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