The blog where Feo posts the things that interest him. And occasionally refers to himself in the third person.
Friday, March 30, 2012
Why Redheads Are Better Than You
Contrary to popular belief, setting your hair on fire will not make you a redhead. It will make your hair grey and odorous. Trust me, I've had personal experience with that sort of thing. Not that I've tried becoming a redhead before or anything. Completely unrelated circumstances. Completely.
Right.
Apart from them being really hot, there are some really cool 'abilities' that redheads possess. For example, there's something totally supernatural about the way they feel pain. And by supernatural I mean genetic mutations. And witchcraft.
Firstly, they're more sensitive to thermal pain than others. That's because they have lowered Vitamin K levels. In other words, you should keep redheads away from tea-kettles. But wait, they're less sensitive to other sorts of pain, including noxious (potentially tissue-damaging) stimuli, like electrically induced pain. This red hair colour-pain tolerance correlation is attributed to hormone receptors for red hair and pain tolerance having some sort of 'crossing'. Does that sound kind of vague? It's because I don't get it all. You can look it up if you want. Good luck if you're not a geneticist. What I'm trying to say is that redheads can withstand more pain than us. They are invincible.
That's not all. They require higher doses of anesthetic for its use to be effective (except for the painkiller pentazocine, and opiates like morphine, which redheads actually require less of than the rest of us). You can't knock them out (as easily).
In conclusion, redheads have superpowers. That's all there is to say.
All I know is that when the impending redhead-apocalypse comes, I'll be safely basking in their only weakness. At the beach.
Feo.
Saturday, March 24, 2012
One Huge Step to New York
I guess this is one of those milestones you remember for the rest of your life. Something you look back on and say "that's what led to it all."
Back in late December 2011, I submitted fifteen or so of my works to the Scholastic Art and Writing Awards, the longest running youth art and writing awards in America. At the time, I obviously had a thought in my mind that I could win, but generally thought, considering that the awards are of such magnitude, there was no way I could win anything.
Shut up, Feo's intuition.
Late January of this year, Scholastic's Facebook page posted up that the Regional Awards had been announced. I decided to check out the page to see if I was a regional winner. Much to my surprise (I hyperventilated), I'd won a Regional Gold Key, Silver Key, and Honourable Mention. I had cake for dinner that night. The Gold Key meant that my writing was going to be judged on a National level, in New York. But obviously my writing wouldn't go that far?
Shut the hell up, Feo's intuition.
The Gold Key winning work that had been sent to be judged at a National Level won, in mid-March, won a National Silver Medal. Out of 200,000 submissions, I was one of the 1,500 to win a national award. And this Silver Medal is my ticket to Carnegie Hall, New York.
So yes, my writing has just earned me a seat at an awards ceremony in Carnegie Hall this June. And, believe it or not, the National Silver Award is one of my earlier blog posts!
Thanks to all the people who have supported me, support, and hopefully will continue to support me in my writing. It means a lot, and look where it's led me. Love you!
I heard you wanted to read the award-winning works. No problem! That can be arranged.
Some People Can't See The Future
Humour
National Silver Medal
Regional Gold Key
My English teacher seems to have a view on innovative artwork quite different from my own. What other explanation is there to explain his reaction to the all-encompassing beauty of my latest work?
So the other day we were preparing for our PATs in class, which are, in essence, tests to see how low the IQ of my province is that year. One of the things we're tested on is business letter writing. The old exam papers we were using to prepare for that aspect gave this topic: your name is Kim Rogers, and you must write a letter to this and that person at your local newspaper about how you lost your pet, and subsequently found it. BUT WAIT! THERE'S MORE! Apparently, your pet was found by the local animal shelter! So now you have some sort of unhealthy obsession with preaching the word of 'animal shelter' to the masses. Oh, and the shelter also offered (and there was strange emphasis on this) spaying and neutering services.
I wrote the letter, and after class, read it to some people. It was met with support. A musical adaptation was discussed. The next day, it turned out we had to hand in the letter. Uh-oh. With a beaming smile on my face, I handed in the paper as my classmates laughed knowingly.
Fifteen minutes before the end of class, my teacher stands up, walks to my desk, and throws the paper on it.
"Next time, write something."
A silence hung in the room.
"What's wrong with it?"
"You could never actually send that. What was that?"
"Weren't we supposed to concentrate on business letter form and not on content?'
"But you didn't learn anything! It's some sort of bad joke!"
I seriously don't know what I was supposed to learn. I learned how to address a letter - what else do I have to prove?
I paused for a moment, "should I rewrite it?"
"If you want any participation marks, then yes."
And with a sigh, I rewrote the whole thing. In seven minutes. I walked to his desk and gave it to him.
After a minute or so, he comes back to my desk and hands me the paper.
"Why couldn't you just do exactly that...the first time?
"I chose not to."
This is what he didn't like:
PO Box 701
Mikmat AB T75 4D6
Happy Day, 1960
Lesley Thompson, Editor
The Wentworth News
8974 Elm Avenue
Larkville AB T8M 4Q4
Dear Professor Thompson:
Several days ago, my donkey escaped my care. I discovered that it had been spayed, neutered, and almost adopted at my local animal shelter. Luckily, the person adopting Grigorovski, my donkey, realized just in time that it wasn't, in fact, a South African wiener dog. Thus, I have been happily reunited with with a now spayed, neutered, and slightly effeminate Grigorovski.
Once Grigorovski had been returned to his attic at home, I went to learn more about the animal shelter. It turns out that the Holy Mother of Keanu Reeves Animal Shelter is a completely volunteer-run organisation that provides emergency animal care, lost pet services, and an adoption program. I would be a volunteer too, but my extreme killer bee-keeping schedule keeps me from doing so. That is why I write to you, Professor Lesley Thompson: the Holy Mother of Keanu Reeves Animal Shelter is in desperate need of volunteers. I believe that if you publish even a small article on the subject, a team of willing spayers and medical amateurs will show up standing on the doorstep of the shelter. That would seriously help the likes of Grigorovski and me.
Peace,
Kimshafandinsterisko (Kim) Rogers.
The moral of the story is that if you're going to spend 15 minutes doing what you like to do, be able to do what everyone else wants you to do in 7 minutes. I got full marks.
I still think the one above is far superior.
The Chair and The Fire
Short Story
Regional Silver Medal
(Final Version)
An amber sunset splashed across the fields of dying grass. Shades of light prairie blue broke through the clouds that rested on another day’s tired horizon. Gavyn Aubade’s dark grey car passed the streaking divider lines of the highway. On the side of the road, powerlines rolled in an up-and-down motion as the vehicle accelerated, not a shadow stopping the gold from enveloping it.
Gavyn Aubade had worked as Benjamin Verdigris’ social worker for 3 months. Verdigris generally had a clear enough head, but it would cloud at moments, rendering him somewhat helpless. And so Gavyn would drive for some hour and a half every weekend to make sure everything was fine: gas was off, car not running in the garage, stuff like that.
The car slowed as it passed a small house several dozen meters off the road. Gavyn’s hands crossed as he pulled the car into a 90 degree turn. The suspension compensated for the gravel road.
Pebbles scattered and made a noise that sounded like a cross between autumn leaves cracking and fire being blown back to life as the car stopped near the house. The door opened and a pale white sneaker swung out, followed by another, followed by a pair of loose-fitting blue jeans, followed finally by a plain olive t-shirt. Then Mr. Aubade’s fairly young face emerged, a thin beard wrapped around his chin. His pale blue eyes squinted in the orange glow. He pushed the door shut and cracked on the gravel to the wooden porch. Gavyn knocked on the door, a fading white slowly turning to grey - a silence. He rapped with the sharps of his knuckles - another silence.
Stepping off the porch, Gavyn walked over to the side of the house dedicated to the garage and peered through a muted window. Benjamin’s pick-up was still inside. Then Benjamin definitely had to be in the house. There wasn’t another place to go for miles. He returned to the porch and tried the handle. The door gave with a squeak.
The sunset illuminated the floating dust and cast shadows haphazardly around the main room of the one-story house. A draft sweeped in from the back. As he stepped through the room, Gavyn heard a glassy snap at his feet. He looked down to find, in the evening shadow of a couch, a broken wine bottle. A roan liquid was soaked into the surrounding carpet. This surprised him, as Benjamin had always insisted that he hadn’t drunk a drop in 10 years. Gavyn crouched and brought his head closer to get a better view of the peeling wine-stained label: Bordeaux-1974. He did some arithmetic in his head-Benjamin must’ve been in his mid-twenties at the time. He had been saving the bottle for something.
He looked up from the ruins of the bottle to see the source of the draft at the end of a hallway: the sliding glass door in the back room was completely open. Past the door was nothing but fields as far as the eye could see.
Gavyn stepped through the steel door-frame and looked out at the burning horizon. Something at the bottom of his field of view caught his attention. There, coming straight from the door-frame, were footsteps and two strange, thin, evenly spaced out marks trailing behind the steps. Gavyn followed their progress into the field with his eyes. He decided to follow the trail.
So he walked, and the sun spilled orange light onto the quietly swaying grass.
So he walked some more, and the bottom tip of the sun began to fall through the horizon.
So he walked more still, and the brightest stars of the night sky slowly began to appear.
So his feet began to ache, and a dark blue glow crawled down from the top of the sky to the edge of the earth, leaving behind blackness and evermore stars.
Gavyn checked his watch; he’d been walking for more than an hour. He started to turn to leave and call the police when he saw a hazy yellow glow in the distance. A plume of black smoke withered from the tiny dot. The steps and trail led to the haze. He halted in his turn and instead walked towards the yellow light.
So he walked, and the glow began to increase in size.
So he walked some more, and the light took on a flickering form. It was a small fire.
So he walked more still and could see a human shape wrapped in the fire’s light.
As he finally approached the fire, and the now clearly visible silhouette of a man sitting on a steel chair, he could hear the snapping of flames.
“I thought,” said Benjamin’s voice, “that you wouldn’t come this far to find me.”
The silhouette gazed down into the fire.
“You never seemed to really care about me as long as the gas was off. Of course, that is your job, so who am I to complain? At least you made sure I didn’t set myself on fire. So I assumed you’d decide I’d disappeared, and would call the police. And then they would find me in the morning with a bullet through my head.”
Still looking at the flames, he raised a hand in which shone a revolver, the fire’s light reflecting in its cold metal. Gavyn, who had, until this point, been standing startled by Benjamin’s voice, took one large step and plucked the revolver from the man’s hand. Benjamin didn’t protest.
“Jesus, Ben! What the hell were you going to do with this?”
“What, with the gun?”
“Yes, with the gun!”
“I was going to take that gun,” the fire flickered in his ageing eyes, “and I was going to put it to the side of my head. And I was going to shoot myself.”
“Why the hell would you do that? Why would you drag a chair out into the middle of nowhere, start a campfire, and shoot yourself?” Gavyn shouted as he pocketed the revolver.
Benjamin stood up and motioned towards the chair.
“Here, sit down.”
“Ben-”
“Sit down,” said Benjamin with a subtle force that Gavyn had not heard before. He thought it wise to abide, and so he sat.
Benjamin stood with his back to Gavyn and the fire, his hands in his pockets.
“You’ve seen all those pins and medals on the bookcase beside the T.V. in the house, right?”
Gavyn vaguely remembered having passed his glance over them once.
“Yes. Of course.”
“I got those for killing people. I got those when I served in Vietnam. I was part of one of the few Canadian deployments sent there to enforce the Paris Peace Accords.
“I’ve counted the number of lives I’ve taken. Four when our camp was ambushed by North Vietnamese troops. That’s when I got most of those medals. And then, in the last days that I was in Vietnam, we were performing a search-and-destroy on a small stronghold in a village held by the North. When we got to the centre of the village, there was a small gun nest armed by one man. My squad and I were pinned. I took a risk and peeked out from behind the building separating us from the nest. I got a good look as to where the gun was before the man started pinning us down again. After half a minute the racket stopped, so I stuck head out, took one clean shot, and that was the end of it.”
Benjamin made a noise; he was crying. He cupped his face in his hands.
“Except that wasn’t the end of it. When we looked into the gun nest, there was a dead boy on the ground, no older than ten years old, a bullet through his left eye. I don’t know, or really care, why they left a little boy to man the nest, but they did. And I shot that kid clear through the head… I still see his bloody little face every night. And now, after all these years, I can see that his life was definitely worth ten of mine. I took away a future, and no man should have the power to do that. So I decided to give at least part of the life he deserved back.
“I tried to drink a good-bye glass of wine, but I couldn’t even see straight. The goddamn thing slipped and fell. Then I dragged the chair here and lit a fire. I didn’t want to die pathetically. I wanted them to find me staring into the embers of a fire. It would be majestic, like something out of a movie, something special. So I sat down in that chair And I put the gun to my head and tried to pull the trigger.”
Benjamin was sobbing.
“But I couldn’t, because I’m a coward. I’m a fucking coward who shoots babies through their eyes.”
He stood, the tears streaming silently down his face. They shone in the flames’ gold. Benjamin fell to his knees and let out a single, tearful roar. He looked up, breathing heavily, at the star-filled black sky from in-between his fingers.
“I see him every night. Whenever I close my eyes, I see his beautiful, bloody, ruined face.”
Gavyn said nothing. He stared into the fire. His eyes said nothing.
They sat in silence for hours. They sat until the sun started to rise through the blades of grass. Still looking into the ashes of the fire, Gavyn took a deep breath.
“Let’s go?”
“Yeah, let’s go,” said Benjamin, standing up.
And so the two men walked through the field of dying grass, Gavyn Aubade dragging a chair, and Benjamin Verdigris looking down, wondering how much the Bordeaux had been worth.
Agave Attenuata
Poetry Compilation
Regional Honourable Mention
Dark Bare Feet
(Requiem for Japan)
From the ruins of some city
Cries of pain and words of pity
Rise from the fallen blocks of stone.
Rubble’s stained with shades of roan.
God, let them out of there!
This sort of suffering is more than rare.
People’ve been swept away,
Their flesh is floating in the spray.
Something’s crying with a pain,
A man, a woman, someone insane?
A cry so tender, so softly sweet,
The child cries on dark bare feet
Not men and women of courage steel,
Not slow-motion movie reels.
No, they will not save this land-
That is in the child’s hands.
It’s seen so much
It’s known so little
It cries on dark bare feet.
Hard Rain
Icarus’ burden hung in the sky,
The wind shifted blades of evergreen grass.
It made in between them sort of a sigh,
And up in the air not a cloud shifted by.
A bird turned its small, beady glass eye,
And looked through the blades of evergreen grass,
And saw what’d interest some passerby.
But not our small bird-she flew with a cry.
What was this quaint, uninteresting sight
That’d interest someone passing by?
The wind shifted quietly sous the sun’s light,
And sighed through the cracks of this large grey sight.
Silver steel girders tore through the frame,
Quite like a web suspended in air.
Through it was visible a faded blue crane,
The paint peeling off from years of hard rain.
Once there were people of all sort and size
Who toiled away in the cavernous cube,
Fed slowly and surely full paper-thin lies.
Everyone knew, but no one would rise.
And then apart it all fell in a flash,
Iodine tablets lay in the grass.
Drifts of black smoke rose from the ash,
Achievements reduced to mere, useless trash.
But a burning hot sphere of hydrogen gas,
Hung in the bright, unmoving blue sky.
And the building sat now with all of its mass
As the wind shifted slightly through the evergreen grass.
Feo P-S.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
How Kony 2012 Is Changing the Internet
I try to stay clear of serious topics on this blog. 'Serious' just doesn't quite mix well with 'fun'. But sometimes, it's very beneficial to break that rule. Say hello to Kony 2012. Say hello to what might be the face of a new Internet.
Considering the pandemic speed with which Kony 2012 is spreading, it's a safe bet you might already know who and what it is. But if you don't, everything that you'll need to know as far as introductions go is in a 30-minute video. This video attained viral status within hours of its appearance, and I strongly recommend watching it. Videos of this sort are rarely so skillfully and powerfully written. And the production is brilliantly simple. Again, 30-minutes well spent whether you side with the cause or choose to debate against it. The video is at the bottom of this post.
The main cause of this post is not to defend or condemn the video and its underlying concepts, but rather to look at exactly how scarily (and dangerously) powerful Kony 2012 has become, and what it means for the future of the Internet.
The Internet is a diverse place. Everything from extensive collections of human knowledge to incredibly disturbing images of humanoid animals has a place on the huge landscape that is the net. One of the relatively young concepts on the Internet is social networking. It's easy to assume that when the first 'true' social networks were being thought out and created, their creators probably never expected events like Kony 2012 to play out quite like they did. They probably expected that these new networks would be used to share minor bits of information and other things that people do when they casually socialize in real life. Stuff like "Yeah, just had a great time in Gondwanaland. Going back next summer" or like "Look at these photos of a totally hot chick I have no relation to, but who took a photo with me out of pity". Stuff like that.
And that's exactly what happened in the beginning - a casual place to talk, share, and make yourself look cool. But things began to change. People started to realize the principles behind the networks could be used to share so much more than incriminating photos of incredibly drunk friends. They realized that articles, knowledge, and important information could be spread to hundreds of people within seconds. This is clearly noticeable with apps like Facebook social readers, which automatically spread the articles you read on certain sites to your entire friends list. Suddenly, people who would never normally search a certain topic are now reading up on exactly that topic, absorbing information, and educating themselves about almost anything - inadvertently. They don't log on to Facebook to learn about something that's making news or is happening in the world, but they log off having been bombarded by various sources: statuses, social readers, likes, shares.
In other words, we are still experiencing the same massive downpour of information that's been hitting us for years, but the nature of that information is changing. We're still getting text messages and endless notifications, but those inputs are being interlaced with 'substantial' information, stuff that sticks in your brain.
Arguably, the first time social networks, the media, and the people truly combined to form an immense information machine was the Arab Spring. People tweeted the locations of conflict zones, posted photos no reporter had yet obtained, and coordinated their efforts to plot their next moves. This new type of communication was born into a world of violence, and that scared those at the top of the food chain. Anyone could suddenly say anything they wanted, and no matter what those in control tried to do, their efforts were circumvented. The world began to realize that the Internet may be as much a human right as talking to your neighbour.
The Arab Spring method of information sharing and communication smoothly flowed into a new entity that year: the Occupy Movement. Whatever your opinion on that matter may be, it's a fact that the way news was spread in the camps, and beyond, was revolutionary. Thousands of protesters would congregate, around the world, within hours of a march being announced. Photos and videos of both hope and violence began to appear. The news started using Youtube videos as valid replacements for reporter footage. Social readers began to appear, publishing corporations realizing that social networks had truly become the most effective way of spreading information.
The growing idea that the Internet was quickly turning into more than just a medium for the exchange of information was finally solidified into proper existence in January, when the battle against the US piracy bills SOPA and PIPA was at its peak. When the bills were stopped, the world examined all the prior evidence: the Arab Spring, Occupy, the Piracy Acts, and concluded that the Internet is the most powerful non-violent weapon in existence, and scarier still, that it is the peoples' weapon.
And now here we are, watching as Kony 2012 unfolds before our eyes. We've seen what the Internet can do, and this is the biggest display of its power yet. Within days of the Kony 2012 video being released, Kony, the man, has already become an icon. Today, my fellow classmates would spontaneously break out into shouts of "KONY!", rhyming it with "PHONY!" and "CRONY!". Everyone who still didn't know who Joseph Kony is was treated as an outsider, someone outside the absolutely huge 'club' that is Kony 2012.
The world has declared a total hatred towards one single man in less that 48 hours. Imagine that.
This is the grand spectacle of our new interconnected world. This is a display of power, a sign that says "the little man has found his army." This is the new face of communication, of human relationships. We have gained the power to channel each others' ideas into a single intention, and direct it at whatever we want. And for the first time, the beam of our ideals is focused.
I think it's amazing. And incredibly scary.
Feo.
Share what you think of Kony 2012, it's impact on how we use the Internet, and the controversy currently surrounding it in the comments sections (you probably already have one of the accounts necessary to comment).
I will admit that I am standing in support of the Kony 2012 Campaign right now. But I am open to all thoughts and information, and will definitely consider any facts you have to give.
Official Kony 2012 video on Vimeo
KONY 2012 from INVISIBLE CHILDREN on Vimeo.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
The First Annual Irony Awards!
Ladies and Gentlemen! After a temporary hiatus, I'm back! And for a good reason, too! For tonight is the night of The Feo's Blog First Annual Irony Awards, where we look at three cases of pure irony. They're actually not annual! That just makes them sound more legitimate and official! But hey! Get your wide rimmed black glasses and put them on - it's time to get ironic (ironically)!
P.S.
I don't know what happened to the fonts. Leave me alone.
Number 3: NON-EXISTENT!
When I was thinking of this post, I only had two ironic events in my mind. I still only have two ironic events in my mind. ONWARDS TO NUMBER 2!
Number 2: FOR THE LOVE OF POLICEWOMAN!
So we're in Park Vista Community High School in Palm Beach, Florida. This was one of the 3 schools labelled for an undercover police operation to look for teens who were tripping balls. Or something along those lines.
Annnyways, 18-year old honor student Justin Laboy was arrested for selling marijuana to an attractive senior girl. Turns out attractive senior girl was actually attractive 25-year old undercover cop. But here's the ironic part: he was falling in love with her. Apparently he'd never even smoked in his life. She'd asked him for some, so he went and bought her a bag of mayor-i-hoo-ana while tripping...on love. She tried to offer him thirty dollars for his troubles, but he declined, calling it a gift. He still got arrested for selling small amounts of marijuana.
So in conclusion, cops are now seducing kids into buying drugs they would never have otherwise obtained and arresting them for it. I don't know about you, but cops are supposed to serve and protect, not seduce and seduce and stuff.
Number 1: GEORGE'S WILDEST DREAMS!
It's 2009. You're reading George Orwell's masterpiece,"1984", on your Kindle. SUDDENLY - the book disappears off your screen, and off your device. What? What?
Amazon had just remotely deleted all copies of "1984" and "Animal Farm" that were added by an unauthorized publisher to the Kindle store. People were reimbursed, but how ironic! Big Brother of the Amazon had just reached into your home and taken your books back.
There! I posted!
Feo.
P.S.
I don't know what happened to the fonts. Leave me alone.
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Used Stuff, Now Available in Vending Machines!
We all have stuff that we don't quite need. But that incredibly large wooden phallus you brought from Brazil means a lot to you! Even though it's hidden safely away from anyone and everyone. You're too cheap to donate it (every thrift shop has an 'incredibly large wooden phallus from Brazil' section, but who cares?), and no pawn shop owner in his or her right mind will take it. They aren't as artistically sophisticated as the rest of us, those pawn shop owners. So what do you do with that thing? Easy! Stick it in a vending machine.
Silly art project people! They're always up to silly stuff. This is no exception. Behold, the "Swap-O-Matic". What, you may ask, is the Swap-O-Matic? No problem! I'll tell you!
Imagine yourself in the wintry streets of Brooklyn, treading through a fresh layer of thin snow. Your backpack feels uncomfortably heavy. Wait! You have a brand-new leather notebook that you don't even need in there! Your eyes shift across the gray urban landscape until you see the light of a golden afternoon sun reflecting off the window of what appears to be a hipster cafe! The kind for the really intense hipsters, who think that Starbucks is way-way-waaay too mainstream. Said cafe is called "Blue Stocking's Cafe". You recall that this is a Swap-O-Matic location! Huzzah!
You step through the door. A record player spins out some unreleased indie track that has been released on vinyl. Bags of coffee are on sale in the back. A "free-trade independent company" label has been taped over the Starbucks logo. You look to your left to see a Swap-O-Matic machine. You pull off your backpack and dig through it for the leather notebook. Book in hand, you walk towards the machine, which resembles a series of transparent glass lockers adorned with '50s space lounge imagery. In one of the glass boxes you notice a mug with Karl Marx quotes plastered all over it. How delightfully unconventional! That mug is totally tradeable for your leather notebook. So you proceed to type your e-mail into the Swap-O-Matic, select the 'swap' option, and open the now-unlocked door of the mug's container. You replace the mug with your notebook and close the door shut. And now you have a mug where there was once a notebook. Your bag is still heavy, but it is now philosophically heavy, too!
That's essentially how the Swap-O-Matic machine works. You can use it to trade different objects such as cocaine, books, and incredibly large wooden phalli from Brazil. You can also donate stuff, which adds a credit to your account. You can redeem these credits at any time to open one of the compartments if something awesome, such as a Karl Marx mug, finds its way there.
I actually think this is a very interesting idea. But it seems it would only work in settings such as small cafes, the reason being that unless the machine is in clear view of the workers and customers, people will probably start replacing nice stuff with empty milk cartons and cardboard boxes. Other than that, I would love to have some of these around town. It would totally make my useless stuff more useful. For other people.
More on this project at http://www.swap-o-matic.com/.
Now please excuse me while I buy the new Radiohead album and place it in the Swap-O-Matic just to show how much I don't want it. How do you go from Kid A to that thing? Seriously.
Feo.
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Getting Lost, Imagining Mailboxes, and Singing Songs
My my. It's 2012. This is going to be a year of opportunities, I think. I'm going to take them. I'm also going to get back into shape. Seriously. I'm not kidding. Yeah.
I have several new projects planned for this year. They even have tentative titles, such as "Siberia", "Planet Blue and Empty Faces", and "SOL". One of them is a film. I bet you're all excited as hell. Yeah.
On a completely unrelated subject: (that isn't a lie. You know how some people say they're starting a new subject and then tie that into the original topic? Dirty liars, those ones. I'm actually starting a new topic.) I got lost walking home a couple of days ago. Absolutely incredible. How in the name of Keanu Reeves does that happen?
Here's my stream of consciousness that afternoon:
- Yeah, baby. I'm taking the bus today.
- Okay. It's been 30 minutes since school ended. Time to get to the bus stop and get on a bus.
- Hey. It's nice out today. Time to strip down to my particularly thin dress shirt. What now, winter? It's your fault you're not here in the middle of December. Seriously now.
- Oh crapcookies. All the buses are gone.
- Yeah, baby. I'm walking today.
- I'm going to walk home the same way I do everyday!
- So much ice.
- HOLY SHITBISCUITS I ALMOST SLIPPED
- I think I'm going to sing "Horror With Eyeballs" by The Dissociatives
- ALL OF THIS TIME ON MY HANDS
- SO FAR HAS GONE
- TO FEEDING MY ANIMALS
- NANA NAA NA NAAAA NA NAA NA NAAAA NA
- People walking towards me.
- ALL OF THIS TIME I WAS DEAD
- LIMBLESS IN BED
- SEDATED EXPERIMENTS
- Wait. Stop. People.
- Look at them until they make eye contact. Look at them. Look at them. THEY HAVE MADE EYE CONTACT. LOOK AWAY! LOOK AWAY!
- How far back are they now?
- Yeah, that's pretty far.
- I'M SELLING THE SUN
- MY SKIN FEELS SILKY SMOOTH
- HOLY SHITBISCUITS I ALMOST SLIPPED
- I love that song.
- It's exceptionally icy here.
- Peripheral vision sees something
- OH NO WHITE VAN TO MY RIGHT!
- GO LEFT GO LEFT GO LEFT
- Whoa. Man, that was insanely close. It turned the other way. Whoaaa. Whoa.
- I turned right because I wanted a change of scenery. Exactly.
- Oh crapcookies. I'm walking up to that road that's always busy.
- Avoid busy road.
- Annnnd left. We're going left.
- Wait. I've never been on this street.
- It's okay. This one's parallel to the street I take.
- Time to sing "Barbarella" by Silverchair. It's actually a B-Side. I'm a serious fan, you know?
- SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING
- BARBARELLA!
- SOMETHING SOMETHING SOMETHING
- Where am I?
- Oh man where am I?
- Wait! Here come some little kids with backpacks. That means the only elementary school in this neighborhood is that way!
- Walking.
- Walking.
- The kids are looking at me. They probably think my dress shirt is totally boss.
- Are you kids holding a parka in one hand and a coffee cup in the other?!
- HA! I thought not.
- Boss life.
- I am in the middle of a small field.
- Turn left?
- There's fence to my left.
- Turn right.
- There's fence to my right.
- Go north? It's forward so it's north.
- There's a white wooden house with a red mailbox to your north. What would you like to do next?
- >Where am I? Seriously?
- That command is not in my vocabulary. Type in 'HELP' to see a list of all possible commands.
- Even I'm not nearly old enough to get that reference! Good luck with that.
- There's actually actually another fence to my 'north'.
- Right. I have homework to do, damnit.
- FLIPPIN' MY PHONE OUT.
- FLIIIIIP!
- Boss life.
- HEY MOM. I'M IN SOME PARK.
- "Seriously, Feo? Right. You have to turn right."
- RIGHT?
- "That's not left. Right. Okay? Right."
- OKAY THANKS MOM
- Walk out of field.
- Turn right.
- Walking. 20 metres.
- OH MY GOD IT'S THE BUSY ROAD.
- I'M COMING HOME!
- "Reflections of a Sound" by Silverchair! HIT IT!
- IN THE SUN
- WE ARE FOUND
- TO BE REFLECTIONS
- OF A SOUND!
- Wait. No. People everywhere.
Feo.
Saturday, December 31, 2011
New Year's Special: A Year in Pictures







See that? That's an entire year of blog posts. And what a wonderful year it was. It was a year of warm azure shores, and a year of shimmering snow lain under an icy blue sky. It was a year of eyes opening, and a year of meeting new people; some of the best people I've known.
Click on any of the above pictures to go to its corresponding post. It's a visual dictionary of Feo's Blog in 2011. I'd also like to show you my favorite posts that have found a place here this year.
My first real post. The May 21st Judgement Day was a subject of conversation for the entire world. Within days of it turning out that May 21st was NOT Judgement Day, the world forgot all about it. Everyone just forgot. It's what always happens.
One of the most absurd ideas I've ever seen. At least there's hypothetically fewer traffic jams occurring after these things went on sale. Everyone's stuck in ditches now, you see.
The ability to develop a sense that creates an alternate image of reality is absolutely mindbending. This is the human brain doing what it always tries to do: work around obstacles to achieve its image of perfection. Perfection has most definitely been achieved in this case.
Dancing has never been this fancy.
Poetry.
The Truth.
Get that Kindle hoo-haa out of my house.
While this version is not final, it has received more response than anything I've ever written. That's very nice, I'd say.
Home.
I need to go sleep.
I'd just put up the entire blog as my favorite at this point. It's been a good year.
This is Feo wishing you all, whoever you are, wherever you are, the best year you can have. See you in 2012. I love you all. Probably. Yeah, I probably do.
Thank you.
Feo.
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